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HOLY BLOCKBUSTERS BATMAN!

Holy blockbusters Batman… was that movie terrible!  This marks my first movie review.  Spoiler alert they stop fighting each other.  Of course I’m talking about Batman Vs. Superman or as hip marketing directors are calling it B.V.S. Let me give some background. I’m not a comic book nerd, but I am considered geek chic so I have some interest. I also grew up with a towel safety-pined around my neck flying through the house. However, as an angst-ey teenager I gravitated to the rule-breaking while justice-seeking dark knight. I don’t know all the back stories, but I can say that I’ve seen all the Batman and Superman movies.

So I was going in to the theater thinking it wouldn’t be great, and honestly that’s why I went opening weekend: to not let my opinions be tainted by reviews, etc.  After the Marvel movies and especially the Dark Knight movies, how on earth (or Krypton) for that matter do you screw this up so bad. I started to wish I was Kryptonian during the movie so I would have blown up and never had to see it.

batman-vs-superman-trailerThe story was just poorly written and poorly put together.  It jumped around with bad transitions, there were unexplained dream sequences, I’m still confused about some giant mosquito men, and Wonderwoman just all of a sudden seemed to exist.  No explanation of where she came from or what she was doing. Spoiler alert: they are already filming the Justice League. This is obviously setting that up, however it seemed like the movie was done and someone said, “Hey we forgot about the Justice League part.”  Then someone who was already drunk said, “I got this.” Five minutes later there was a 30 sec scene written that was dumb, and continues to grow into extra dumb the more I think about it. 

Everybody was concerned about Ben Affleck. Well to his defense (can’t believe I’m saying that) his dialog was extra cheesy.  Don’t get me wrong, he was terrible, but the writing was just bad, compiled with bad directing.  Listen I’m not looking for an Oscar movie or a Dark Knight remake, just a little average film making.

What’s really confusing to me is people saying they like it.  I’m a long time listener of the KQ Morning Show out of Minneapolis.  Their film critic, Tim Lammers, who I usually agree with, said it was pretty good.  Sorry Tim, but I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and assume you missed the screening and just gave a general review.  You’re going to be horrified when you actually see it 😉  (In the event he reads this post I hope he has a sense of humor and understands sarcasm.)

Bottom line, if you need to spend money on this movie, sit in the back and bring a book.  It was a long movie, a fact which made me sigh often during the screening.  Also I went with a 16 year-old and her parent.  They all thought it was cheesy.  Especially the teenager.  Unfortunately I never thought I would be rooting for Lex to kill them both and the movie along with it.  I honestly would rather see the “Story of Jar Jar Binks” feature than see this travesty again. 

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